Ricockulous Slang

Having recently heard, and not understood the phrase 'gaming out', I decided to do some research on slang words, and to choose some of the funnier, more random ones.

And so the list goes......

Batman nd Robin (adjective) = inseparable



bungalow (noun) = stupid person. not much upstairs

booty-cheddar (noun) = bullshit

on the fritz (adjective) = not working properly; broken

hodger (noun) = guest who eats all of the host's food and drinks all of the host's drinks.

gravy noodles (adjective) = very cool
ex: The gig was gravy noodles



mondo bizarro (adjective) = extremely weird

alcamahol (noun) = alcohol

marinate (verb) = to sit around waiting

badonkadonk (adjective) = used to described buttocks of exceptional quality and bounce.
ex: That girl has a serious badonkadonk butt.

hose beast (noun) = an undesirable female, either by looks or personality



whiz-bang (adjective) = impressive, flashy or super cool
ex:

hungarian (adjective) = hungry
ex: I am so hungarian

ricockulous (adjectove) = ridiculous

antwacky (adjective) = old-fashioned; unstylish

shnockered (adjective) = totally drunk



giggle water (noun) = alcohol

butt toast (adjective) = totally wasted
ex: You were butt toast last night

go postal (verb) = to go crazy

foxtrot oscar (verb) = euphemisnm for 'Fuck Off'

ride the beef (adjective) = suffer the consequences for a wrongdoing

snarf (verb) = to eat voraciously.


Claire Rayners / Gloria Gaynors (noun) = cockney rhyme for trainers

barmcake (noun) = an idiot

kinderkid (noun) = someone who pretends to be something they're not; a try-hard

abso-fucking-lutely (adverb) = absolutely

chicken head (noun) = a woman who repeatedly gives fellatio



cut the cheese (verb) = to fart
ex: Dude, did you cut the cheese again?

patootie (noun) = buttocks (again!)
ex: nice patootie!

ate up with the dumb ass (adjective) = strange, stupid; WEIRD

ain't no thing but a chicken wing (verb) = to be okay; not a big concern

banana hammock (noun) = tight-fitting male swimwear or bikini underwear.
ex: He likes to cavort around the beach in his banana hammock.



badussy (noun) = something that smells very bad
ex: Take a wash, you smell like badussy!

wanksta (oun) = someone who pretends to be a gangsta

do one's fruit (verb)= to get very angry

Trunky Monkey (noun) = person who must travel in the trunk of a car because there are no seats left.

Doesn't look as though this cheeky chimp is going in the boot anytime soon...


big whoop (interjection) = big deal.

confuckulated (adjective) = screwed up

finer than frog hair (adjective) = extremely attractive

get a five finger discount ( verb) = to steal

green apple nasties (noun) diarrhea

boobicles (noun)= a woman's breasts.often implying small breasts(...or not.see below)


juju (noun) - medicine

nastafied (adjective) = gross

road dawg (noun) = travel companion or best friend

snafu (adjective) = messed up as usual
ex: they argued about the last crumpet. they're just snafu!

wazzock (noun) = an idiot

Some more interesting facts....

• Kangaroos cannot walk backwards.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple
• Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
• Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".
• The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was paid only $35 for the design
• How does a shark find fish? It can hear their hearts beating.
• Penguins can convert salt water into fresh water.
• Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
• In India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog!
• A shrimp's heart is in its head.
• The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit
• Horses can't vomit.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
• Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots
• A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

Ridiculous Crimes and other random stories....

Yawning Hippo eats Dwarf Bouncer

Teenager hires undercover officer to kill mother
A 17-year-old boy was arrested while trying to hire an undercover police officer to kill his mother. He instructed the "hitman" not to damage the television during the attack.

Hungry burglar fries fish during burglary
A hungry Dutch burglar was caught frying a fish in a house he was burglaring. The householder woke up when she smelled the cooking in the kitchen.
The 45-year-old burglar told police he had a penchant for fish and that he had taken a cold beer from the fridge to compliment his meal.



Man arranges shooting to get sympathy from ex-girlfriend
A man in Sicily asked a friend to shoot him in the groin in the hope of making his ex-girlfriend feel sorry for him. She later said that she never wanted to see him again.

Tramp drops pants in Court
A psychiatric assessment has been ordered for a homeless man who dropped his pants in a Halifax courtroom Friday and invited the judge to perform oral sex on him.



Cat People
When police went to Michael Vondueren's house to check on his elderly mother, they found over 300 frozen cats in three freezers at the residence. eeeeew!


Blind car thief crashes stolen car

The 24 year old Romanian man decided to steal a car after he had a row with friends about his inablility to do anything. His friends told him he was useless.
He actually managed to break into a parked car and start it with a screwdriver. He even succeeded in driving the car over a busy road for half a mile.
But after that the fun was over.
Alin lost the little control he had over the car and smashed into a tree. Knocked out by the crash, he was later arrested by the police.
THe man told Police: "I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do anything I wanted -despite my handicap. I only crashed because I was not sure of the way home."



Dog Saves Abandoned Baby
The dog was looking for food for her newborn puppies when she reportedly saved a 2-week-old baby girl from a forest in Kenya.
The dog found the baby in a forest south of the capital Nairobi. She then took the infant, wrapped in a dirty, black cloth, then carried it across a busy road and through a barbed-wire fence before placing it close to her own puppies.
The baby was later found by the dog's owner and taken to hospital.

Man in Nepal marries dog for luck and dies
An elderly man from Nepal, 75 years of age, married a dog in a local custom to ensure good luck only to die three days later.
The man was following a custom of his Tharu community. The custom holds that an old man who regrows teeth must take a dog to be his 'lawfully wedded wife'. Odd.

Ham, the first Astro Chimp in Outer Space

I love Monkeys.Monkeys are amazing,super intelligent creatures, but also thoughtful, caring and mischievious.....

Even more amazing are ASTRO CHIMPS...............

Back in 1949, Albert II became the first monkey in space,reaching 134 km (83 miles)-past the Karman line of 100 km (taken to designate the beginning of space).MAny Astro Chimps followed, but none so legendary as Ham.

Ham is my all time favourite astro chimp and was the first to be successfully launched into OUTER space...After only 16 minutes into the flight, Ham's capsule suffered a partial loss of pressure. Fortunately, Ham's space suit prevented him from suffering any harm, although it couldn't prevent the capsule from experiencing further problems...eventually falling into the Atlantic Ocean.
Ham survived. He suffered only a bruised nose.



Following his successful space mission, Ham became a worldwide celebrity and made repeated television appearances. He later also made his film debut with Evil Knievell.

On January 19, 1983, at the age of 26, Ham passed away in North Carolina Zoo.

Ham had a backup, Minnie. She was the only female chimp trained for the Mercury program.
After her role in the Mercury program ended, Minnie became part of an Air Force chimpanzee breeding program, producing nine offspring and helping to raise the offspring of several other members of the chimpanzee colony. She was the last surviving astro-chimp.






A few Monkey facts:

• Monkeys don't get colds


• A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana


• There are 125 species of monkey


• Spider monkeys pollinate certain plant species. When drinking a plant's nectar, they pick up pollen on their face and carry it to another plant, which is then fertilised.


• The spider monkey will break off heavy branches and drop them from trees to scare off intruders

Proof that chimps are highly intelligent: http://www.kewego.co.uk/video/iLyROoaftCda.html

More facts

• Monkeys have tails, apes do not


• Chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans all catch colds, but monkeys do not.


• When monkeys yawn, it's not only because they are tired, it's also because they are mad.


• Monkeys peel their bananas, they don't eat the skin.


• All monkeys like to be clean so they have a barber monkey who cleans out their fur. The barber monkey's reward is the bugs from the other monkey's fur.


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Me, myself and Crumpets.....simply the best!

My obsession with crumpets....where and how do I start?

It's just gone 2 am and I am absolutely gutted.

Why?

Because, after an entire week of going cold turkey, tonight I succumbed to the overpowering voice of temptation inside my head, or 'Crumpet Clive' as I like to call it....and off I headed to the kitchen for some toasted, buttered and spongy delights! The crumpet junky was back...and she meant business.

A few moments later I found myself devastated...

Having reached into the drawer to take out the crumpets..I was horrified to discover that after a week of needless abandonment and neglect.... they were now mouldy....

There goes the midnight feast, I thought to myself......or maybe not. My only consolation was that there were still some croissants in the cupboard and some cheese in the fridge, and so I set about putting together an alternative snack ...which is where the croissants come in...



Twenty minutes, three croissants, a good dose of cheese and some mint kit kats later, I feel my appetite is still not satiated....for alas, there is none that can rival the mighty crumpet...

The cheese helped settle me somewhat, but it's no substitute for the big C. It was a West country, mature cheddar; rich and full bodied.....much like Tina Turner. I contemplated tucking into some brie...only to discover that I had already eaten it the previous night. My will to live fell to a new, all time low....Until, that is, I discovered that there was still some Camembert left...thank God I hadn't seen that the night before

As a recommendation, give the new mint kit kats a try....they have an echo of Burton's Viscount mint biscuits that impressed me. I'm not, however, wholly convinced that I could eat a whole 22 of them in under three days, as I recently did with the original ones (two finger Kit Kats of course).

On reflection, perhaps it was for the best that the Crumpets were mouldy....Afterall, my crumpet detox was going so well.... though admittedly life hasn't been as much fun without them...but isn't that true of most addictions....?


On a final note, I am contemplating doing a sponsored Charity cheese feast in the months to come.....where people will pay me to eat as much cheese as possible. Yes, that's right...I will get paid to eat cheese for 24 hours non-stop.....I'll keep you updated on dates, venue, how to make donations etc...

This is how much cheese I reckon I could get through if I were to do a sponsored cheese feast:




And .......this is what I might look like afterwards, but with darker hair:


Also, any recommendations of cheese that you think I might like would be appreciated.

My recent favourite is Tintern cheese. It's Welsh, Creamy and is made with fresh chives and Shallots. Another one to try is also Welsh, the Black Bomber: an EXTRA mature cheddar, smooth and with a softer texture.

Well, it's time for Bedfordshire now .....eating cheese really takes it out of me...

As for the crumpets...there'll be other times..

Tina Turner, or Bunsen Burner as I like to call her.
Rich and full bodied:




Crumpets: Simply the best

Offensive Footwear........

Perhaps the worst offender spotted this month are the velcro-strap acrylic loafers....
Promoted with the daring statement....'So comfortable, you'll want to stay in them for 24 hours'..... I feel the advertising slogan should more accurately have been 'So foul you'd rather cut your feet off than be seen wearing these!'



A close second on the offender richter scale are the 'snow boots'...Anyone wearing these deserves to be buried in an avalanche.
As my mother would say (In Irish accent)..'cheap AND nasty!'


And in third position, are the Jesus sandals......admittedly more offensive when worn with socks. These are one of the worst pairs I have seen. No blessing from me I'm afraid..



Described only as 'Vacuum shoes'....



Impractical and unsightly ...

Geoff Mystery Unravelled....

He goes by the name of Billy Fane, but we'll always remember him as good old Geoff with the ridiculously bushy tash from doon the Groove!

As you might know from my blog, I have been eager to find out what happened to the illustrious, 'destined for the bright lights of Hollywood' career of Geoff. Blown up and killed in a gas explosion back in the 90s TV Series Byker Grove, Geoff and his tash were hotly tipped for the big roles, that could launch them into millenium fame...


So what happened after Byker Grove?

With the help of a friend, I have unravelled the 'Geoff Mystery'. I can confirm that since Byker Grove, there has been no 'endless pipeline' of high profile film roles, no flood of job offers for tv, not even an invite to do a club opening up in the North East. Rather, the highlights of Geoff's career have been playing Mr Braithwaite in Billy Elliot (pretty decent!), a Bingo Caller in Purely Belter (embarrassing), followed by several tramp roles in Sweet Sixteen and Heartbeat (absolutely pathetic!). As if that asn't bad enough, the last known role for Geoff was that of a car scrap man in 'Cloud Cuckoo Land'....

Was Geoff in Cloud Cuckoo Land thinking that he could ever move on from the Grove? Was the Tash just 'carrying him', concealing his lack of tashless talent?

You might not be surprised to hear that, shortly after his departure, Geoff shaved off the original tash that feauturd in Byker Grove...and it all seems to have gone downhill from then onwards...

Recent Hollywood celeb reports claim that Geoff's tash is a massive success out in L.A. In fact he's just been offered the lead role in a Spielberg film, about a Scientist who creates an evil, out of control Tash, intent on destroying the human race, starting with some bloke called Geoff.

Unfortunately, the relationship between Geoff and the Tash broke down shortly after Geoff decided to go his own way. The Tash, who goes by the name of 'Terry', or 'Tezza', as his showbiz pals call him, refuses to forgive Geoff after being abandoned and almost washed away in the bathroom sink. Thankfully for Tezza, he survived. Now living in constant fear of another attack on his life, Tezza has taken an injunction out against Geoff.